


the first goodbye

by supermanoffood



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Direction Tours, Other, about zayn leaving, but i just started writing it and i couldnt stop, but i'm pretty sure this isnt how it went, its about zayn, its really really sad and i cried for hours about it, just a bit of it really at the end, mentions of depression and anxiety, obviously zayn did leave, ok so please dont kill me, this story isnt true
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-03-19 15:39:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3615294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supermanoffood/pseuds/supermanoffood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>zayn tells the boys the big news.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is really short and don't kill me i love you guys thanks x.  
> AND THANK YOU FOR ALL THE NICE COMMENTS I LOVE YOU GUYS SO FUCKING MUCH  
> one last thing: please DO NOT steal, copy, translate, or post this work anywhere without my permission!

The room was chatty. It was just after Christmas. Everyone was gathered around the giant rectangular table in the middle. The huge PR Team was at the front talking amongst themselves. It felt like a strange day, you see. Harry could feel it. In the corner of the room, he was sat in the small one-person sofa, with Louis squished in beside him. Louis was fidgeting and his left leg was shaking up and down. He could feel it too. Next to them, Liam sat on a large sofa, his legs spread out to fill the length of the couch. He was scrolling mindlessly through his old texts to Sophia. His big eyes were tired. He could feel it. Across the room, Niall was happily chatting to a couple of people in the huge PR Team. He glanced over at the three boys sitting on the sofas and his smile faltered at their restless yet calm demeanor. He could feel it too. He turned his back on his friends and continued making conversation with the people in front him. The door opened and Simon walked in. He spread a fake smile over his face and glanced at the boys he’d known for just five years. He didn’t want to know what was coming next. Following Simon, Harry Magee and Richard Griffiths strolled inside. The room’s curiosity shifted to the entrance. The two founders of Modest! Management never came to any artists’ meetings. Someone tapped on Liam’s shoulder. He quickly sat up and looked at the person.

“I need to talk to you boys,” Simon whispered in his ear. He paused, “All of you.” He gave Liam a knowing look. One thought flashed into Liam’s mind. _Zayn was back._

Careful not to draw any attention, he quickly texted Harry and Niall to meet them outside of the room. He got up slowly, casually and strolled out of the room, following Simon. From the corner of his eye, he could see Harry flashing Louis a glance at his phone.

Harry got up out of the sofa and walked to the entrance of the room, Louis following close behind his. One thought flashed into his mind. _Zayn was back._

Niall bid goodbye to the people he was talking to as soon as he saw Liam’s text. He knew. _Zayn was back._

Zayn was always late to everything. The boys had said goodbye to each other two weeks ago to see their families for Christmas. They missed each other dearly over that time span. Harry, Louis, Liam, and Niall had already had their loving greetings to each other, but Zayn had been gone for the first couple of days they had been back from their holidays. They missed him.

As soon as Niall was out of the door, he was pulled into a warm, familiar group hug.

Louis breathed in the scent of the four people he loved so much. He didn’t want to let go. He had a horrible feeling about today. He could tell the others did too. Soon enough, he heard Simon’s familiar cough, interrupting the intimate moment between the four friends.

“Zayn wanted to say something and I thought it was best to do this alone, with just you five.” He walked away with a pointed look at the boy that had just arrived. Simon turned his back with a churning feeling in his stomach.

Zayn gathered the four idiots into his arms again and another group hug was initiated. He breathed in their scents and snuggled himself even deeper into their arms. It was silent until Zayn broke it. “I missed you lads so much.” He choked out. Out of somewhere, Niall’s head popped out to catch a glance at Zayn’s face.

“Zayn?”

He turned he face away and trembled. The hug slowly separated. Harry was hugging Louis from behind and Liam and Niall were still cuddled up to Zayn.

“I need to say—“ He couldn’t. Zayn couldn’t.

“Go on, Zayn.” Liam encouraged, a warm smile on his face. “Simon said you needed to say something, right?”

Taking a deep breath, Zayn closed his eyes, forced back his tears and started to talk.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the hols and I thought about you lads and I thought about Mum and the girls and Dad and Perrie and our engagement and stuff. I talked to Mum a lot and I told her that I was feeling stressed. And that I wasn’t feeling to well all the time anymore. And that I didn’t really feel that happy anymore. I wasn’t sad,” He paused, “I just wasn’t happy. And so she took me to the doctor’s and I got prescribed with—” He pulled out two small pieces of paper and handed them to Harry.

“Imipramine (Tofranil), for depression and generalized anxiety.” Harry looked up at him with sad eyes.

“Just listen. Please.”

“Mate, you gotta tell us about this stuff too.” Niall said with a despondent look on his face.

“Please, listen. So I’ve been taking them, but it hasn’t really gotten better. I realized—“ His voice broke, “I realized the problem when I was on twitter a couple days ago. It’s so much for me and I love you lads so much—“ Zayn was crying now and felt himself being gathered into a giant hug. “Please, you have to understand. I thought about this for such a long time and Mum kept telling me to relax and not to raise my stress levels, or whatever. But it was such a hard decision to make, boys, I love you all so much.”

“Zayn, bro, we love you too, just tell what happened.” Louis said gently.

“Guys, I—I don’t think I wanna do this anymore.” Zayn’s body was racking with sobs. “I just I love you guys so much, but I want to live a normal life, and be a normal 22-year-old and do normal things and I know it might be too late for that, but I just don’t think I can do this anymore and Mum and Dad and the girls and Perrie are supporting me all the way I just— I don’t think I can do this without you guys, and I’m so sorr—“ They were all crying now, sniffling into each other’s shoulders and arms.

“Zayn,” Niall sobbed, “Shut the fuck up. We love you.”

“Of course we’ll support you, you twat, we love you.” Harry blubbered.

Louis was right up by Zayn’s ear and whispered, “We’re so proud you, mate, we will love you always.” Liam was next to hug Zayn tightly around the neck and Zayn couldn’t even tell what he was saying because he was crying so hard.

Zayn felt slobbery, wet kisses being planted all over his face, kissing away his tears and he knew that he was so lucky to be loved as much as these boys loved him.


	2. announcement!!

hello everyone/everyone who reads this. i've come across this account on ao3 after a very long while and i've realized i'm not gonna really be writing that much stuff on here anymore. i still love one direction and they were a big part of my life (and still are sort of) but i've decided to let this work and probably my other works be orphaned. most of you who use ao3 will probably know that orphaning a work means giving up all rights to your work, including editing. after i orphan this, it will no longer be on my account and all my comments as an author will be deleted. 

thank you all who have read and enjoyed my writing :) 

-supermanoffood

**Author's Note:**

> so i cried for a full hour in the bathroom after i came back from school and found out the news. see, the thing is, i don't really have anybody to talk to this stuff about. i don't tell anyone about how i sit in the shower, with a razor in my hand, contemplating suicide, until 'little things' or 'through the dark' comes on through my shitty phone speakers. these boys have quite literally, saved my life.  
> i have chosen to stay strong through all this, because i know that zayn is doing this for his own good and even though he probably doesn't have depression or anxiety irl, at least he's pulling himself out of it before any of that happens.  
> remember guys, zayn deserves to be happy. that's why he is doing this.  
> (i'm going to leave that note up there but i take it back. i don't know what rumors you guys have heard, but naughty boy and zayn recorded a single back in september last year. last year. it was just released on soundcloud and everyone is sad. it's a whole shitstorm and i hope everyone is doing okay.  
> i love you guys xx.


End file.
